New blogger and fat ass, look out!

I kid. I shouldn’t be mean to myself–I’ve found it’s counterproductive to losing weight, leaving me more likely not to exercise–but it’s a tough habit to break.

I’m Larissa. Danielle invited me to contribute to this blog, as a means to keep each other motivated. I definitely find weight loss easier when I have a diet and exercise buddy!

A bit of back story: I was a fat kid. Unfortunately, I’m the type of girl who has to follow a strict diet and exercise program just to stay thin. When people say things like, “There’s no such thing as being big-boned,” I sigh, because that’s one of the first things my doctor told me when I was a teenager. I’m 5’6″, but I possess the bone structure of someone much taller. My doctor was convinced I would wind up being 5’9″ or 5’10”, but when I stopped growing, he said, “Well, this could be a problem.”

People with large bones tend to struggle with their weight. When I was thin, I looked awesome–the very definition of curvy, with an hourglass figure–but I was still fleshy. I didn’t think to tone my body, so over the years, I gained weight gradually. I didn’t even realize I was fat until 2003, when my so-called friends began to make fun of me. Back then, I was 206 pounds. At my heaviest, I was 220 pounds. I lost 43 pounds in 2006, but I became depressed and ballooned to 220 pounds. I lost weight again in 2008, and I’ve been around 199-210 pounds from 2008 till now. I need to lose 70 pounds, to achieve my ideal weight of 140 pounds.

Losing weight is easy. However, when someone is as overweight as I am, it’s difficult to get started. With extreme weight gain, comes depression and body issues. People treat me differently. I can’t go to a gym by myself, because people pick on me. You might think fit people would congratulate an overweight girl for deciding to lose weight, but that is not the case. So, in addition to overcoming a lack of energy, I have to combat depression. I could lose the weight and keep it off easily, if only I let comments roll off my back. I felt sub-human, so I remained overweight, as punishment to myself for gaining weight at all. However, now I’m ready to lose it!

I’m going to lose the weight and keep it off this time. I’m going to get toned and healthy. I’m not going to let my weight yo-yo anymore–I’m going to maintain 140 pounds for the rest of my life. I’m not going to listen to the naysayers, because I think they make fun of me to make themselves feel more powerful. I know I can lose the weight; even though my body type is prone to weight gain, my doctor has always told me it’s easy to control, by remaining motivated and diligent. I don’t have to be fat. Staying thin is a lifelong commitment, but hey, exercise is good for me!

I should post a picture. I try and hide my size online, because people are actually nice to me online. A few people I’ve met offline were actively mean to me when they realized I was a SIF (“secret internet fatty”), so while I’ve always been open about the fact I’m overweight, I know how to conceal my weight in pictures. I look pretty in my cam shots, but I’m not pretty in real life:

Image Removed
I originally wrote this entry in July, then thought better of it. Here is a more flattering full body shot that still gives you an idea of how much weight I need to lose.

I cried when I uploaded this photo. On the left, I am at my ideal weight of 140 pounds. I’m still fleshy, as you can see, and people told me I was fat even then. On the right, however… I am 220 pounds, and I look like a disgusting whale. I know I said I wouldn’t be mean to myself, but it’s true: I’m ugly. I’m not sure I’ll ever be pretty again, but I don’t want to look like this anymore. I’ve never shared how I truly look with anyone online, so posting this photo leaves me vulnerable. It’s also excellent motivation: I have to lose the weight and keep it off. No more false starts or excuses!

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2 Comments

Filed under Diet, Exercise

2 responses to “New blogger and fat ass, look out!

  1. I wish you great success in your efforts! It really is ALL about you, not the naysayers or doubters. Try to put their opinions where they belong, which is waaaay behind yours!

    I’m sorry you haven’t had a good gym experience. That was one of my greatest fears about going to the gym, but when I finally went, I realized that no one was paying any attention to me at all. Not that it would have mattered had they been, because I had accepted that it was all about ME! 🙂

  2. I can’t believe I missed the fact you posted!!!!

    You know where I stand. I think you’re gorgeous – inside and out – and I know you can do anything you put your mind to.

    Looking forward to you blogging with me. You’ve started now. No excuses! 😉

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